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Book Title: Why I Left You, Why I Need You, Why I Trust You
(available individually or in an omnibus edition)
Author: Colette Davison
Publisher: Self-Published
Genre/s: gay contemporary romance
Heat Rating: 4 flames
Length: Why I Left you: 296 pages; Why I Need You: 320 pages; Why I Trust You: 300 pages.
They are a loosely linked series, but can all be read as standalones.
Blurb
Why I Left You
Jamie is struggling with university, money and depression. The last thing he needs is for Brett—the guy who left him four years ago—to walk back into his life. Yet it could be just what he needs.
Ever since Jamie left him, Brett has been running away from commitment. But when he meets Jamie again, he’s forced to re-examine every aspect of his life.
Brett and Jamie are drawn back together by an undeniable spark, but unless they can come to terms with the past, their relationship won’t survive the present.
Why I Need You
Following the death of their parents, Fin put his life on hold to raise his little sister. He’s convinced her well-being is all that matters, even if it’s at the expense of his own. A chance meeting with Noah opens his eyes to the possibility of happiness. A happiness that could shatter the moment Noah discovers Fin has an eight-year-old in tow.
Noah has been living a lie for years. When he gets publicly outed, he gets kicked out of his parents’ home and business. Although he’s angry at being disowned, Noah knows it means he’s finally free to love whomever he wants. But in order to have a fulfilling and lasting relationship, Noah has to get past his repressed upbringing and inhibitions, before Fin walks out of his life.
In order to stay together, Fin and Noah have to be brave enough to be honest with themselves and each other.
Why I Trust You
Martin is the larger than life funny guy, the one who’s quick to soothe other’s pain, whilst hiding his own. He wants nothing more than to find ‘the one’, but his love life consists of a string of break-ups. He’s close to giving up on love, until he meets Ryan online, the artist whose work speaks to his soul. There are just two problems: Ryan already has a boyfriend and he lives in California, which is one hell of a long way from England.
Working with Martin to develop a game is supposed to be purely business; a way for Ryan to earn the money to leave his abusive boyfriend. Except, he finds himself falling for the enigmatic Englishman. Wondering what kind of spark there might be if they were in the same country is one thing, escaping his boyfriend is another.
Wounded by their past relationships, Martin and Ryan have to learn to trust each other in order to have a chance at building a future together.
**These stories contain mature language and scenes, including descriptions of sex, depression and domestic abuse**
Buy Links - Available on Kindle Unlimited
Excerpts
Why I Left You
“You’d get drunk faster on spirits,” Brett said, wandering up to him.
Jamie glowered at him and then fixed his gaze on the dance floor. “Thanks for the tip, but I’m good.” He sipped more slowly at the new pint.
Brett didn’t move. “I didn’t think you were into guys anymore.” The question sounded casual, but his body was full of tension as he leaned against the wall beside Jamie.
“What the fuck would you know about it?” Jamie tipped his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and breathed in and out. Just Breathe. “Sorry. I don’t want to fight with you, not tonight.” He pushed his hair back and took a good-sized gulp of his beer. “I just want to hang out and relax. If you’re not gonna help me do that, would you please get lost?”
Brett’s eyes widened. “Help you? How would I be able to help you?”
Jamie shook his head. “Forget it.”
Except he couldn’t get the thought of kissing Brett out of his head, which was totally fucked up. He decided it was the drink talking, stirring up long-forgotten feelings. He glanced at Brett and knew instantly he shouldn’t have done. Brett’s blue eyes seemed more intense under the ultraviolet lighting, almost supernaturally so. They bored into him, trying to understand what he’d just said. And damn if that gaze didn’t make his legs weak and his stomach flip over, the way it always had done when they were younger.
He knocked back the rest of his beer and then put the plastic cup down on the floor beside his feet. He straightened up too fast and swayed. Brett reached out and grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him.
“On second thoughts, I guess you’re already well on the way to being plastered,” Brett said.
Before he had time to regret even thinking about it, Jamie did something stupid. He stepped in to Brett and kissed him.
Why I Need You
“I’m staying at a friend’s house for now,” Noah said, trying to inject lightness into his voice. “Martin. He’s cool. You should meet him sometime.”
“Just a friend?” Fin asked, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Was that curiosity playing across his face?
“Yes,” Noah said. “We went there once, in high school, but we’re really not into each other. What about you? Have you got a boyfriend?” It was a stupid question, really. They wouldn’t be out together if either of them was involved with someone else.
“No.”
“Really?” Noah acted surprised. “I can’t believe someone as cute as you is available.”
Fin let out a short laugh. “I’d have thought you’d have been snapped up quickly, too.”
Noah ran his finger around the rim of his pint glass. “I’ve been keeping a low profile. I had to keep up appearances for my parents and all that. Now, I’m free. What’s your excuse?” He was sure he saw panic flit through Fin’s eyes. They certainly darkened for a couple of seconds, his irises becoming almost indistinguishable from his pupils.
“I’ve been too busy, I guess. Too much work and study.”
“You know what they say,” Noah said. “All work and no play makes Fin a dull boy.”
“I’m dull, am I?”
“Not from what I’ve seen. Yet. But you’re in danger of it,” Noah said in a knowing tone. “You should definitely get out more.”
“Oh, yeah?” Fin asked, his voice lower than it had been moments before. He leaned towards Noah, resting both elbows on the table. “And who would I do that with?”
Noah leaned towards him as though there were some sort of invisible tug coming from Fin. He could tell by the way Fin’s eyelids were a little heavy and the lazy curve of his lips that he’d welcome a kiss in that moment. Noah found he wanted to. He wanted to feel the texture of Fin’s lips against his own, wanted to taste him. His hands became clammy. It felt like the few people in the bar were all staring at them. It didn’t matter whether it was true or not; he could already feel the blood pounding in his head. His stomach lurched at the thought of prying eyes watching what should have been an intimate moment. So, instead of doing what he knew they both wanted, he leaned back.
“I’m sure you can find someone,” he said in what was supposed to have come out as a cocky, laid-back tone but actually sounded really dumb.
Why I Trust You
As Martin spoke, Ryan drew as quickly as he could. He wasn't aiming for anything of beauty, just the gist contained in a series of incredibly rough sketches. It was impossible not to get caught up in Martin's vision. The childlike excitement in Martin's voice encouraged Ryan to smile as he drew, visually realising the story that was beginning to unfold in Martin's rambling and often chaotically organised sentences.
"And that's it," Martin said. "I talked too fast, didn't I? You should have stopped me."
The truth was, Ryan had loved listening to Martin's deep, smooth voice. He'd loved being able to switch off from everything else to focus on nothing but Martin's words and the sketchpad and pencil. He used his phone to snap a few photos of his rough sketches and emailed them straight to Martin.
"I sent you a present," he said. "And, no, you didn't talk too fast."
"Got it," Martin said. "Holy shit. You drew these while I was talking?"
"Yeah, they're kind of rough."
They were more impressions than clear drawings. Bold lines used to create the suggestion of vast detail. But despite that, Ryan was confident that the content of each sketch was clear.
"I'll obviously need to translate all these ideas into digital format and pick a style that'll work across platforms without pixelating on larger devices or looking too visually cluttered on smaller screens. I'll work on some solid graphics ideas over the next few days."
"These are amazing," Martin breathed. "I just… wow."
Ryan felt a warmth surge through his chest. It felt so good to be really, truly appreciated by someone. The fact that it was a guy he'd never met and who lived several thousand miles away only made it hit home how truly miserable he'd become. But that awareness didn't stop the guilt from seeping into every fibre of his being. He was sneaking around behind Zane's back, talking to another guy. A guy whose voice he liked. A guy who made him feel appreciated. If Zane found out, he'd flip out and accuse Ryan of cheating. He gripped his pencil tightly, to the point of almost snapping it in half.
"I'd better go," he said, his voice suddenly weary. "I've got work in a few hours, so I'd better get some sleep." Not that he was convinced he would be able to sleep, as his thoughts were so mixed up about the way Martin made him feel.
"Yeah. Sorry I kept you up."
"No problem. It's been fun." It really had been. That was the thought Ryan wanted to take away with him, rather than the guilt, but he knew the guilt would win.
Why I Left You
5 Stars
I love second chance romances and this was a really good one. I liked both Brett and Jamie and I liked the progression of their relationship. Although this is a second chances romance, we’re given enough information about their past, while staying in the present, something I really love and appreciate, because I really despise flashbacks.
Often, I find it can be a bit irritating when the author withholds the information driving the story, but here, it worked and I really liked the way the story and the mystery behind what drove Brett and Jamie apart in the first place unfolded. It kept me sitting on the edge of my seat trying to guess as the clues were laid out in front of me along the way.
Jamie absolutely broke my heart. You could feel the hurt he felt and I was so sad for him. As a person who suffers from depression, I understood him and could totally relate to how he was feeling. The author did a good job with handling this aspect of the story.
This was a great story, it’s well-written and it flowed well. Brett and Jamie had amazing chemistry and as the story progressed you could just see that they belonged together. While I loved Jen, Brett’s roommate, I really wanted to punch Jamie’s parents in the face most of time. They were overbearing and caused more harm than help.
All in all, this was a really enjoyable story, filled with so much emotion and passion, as well as romance and love. Very recommendable!
Why I Need You
4 Stars
My heart absolutely broke for Fin at the end of Why I Left You. To not only lose your parents, but to suddenly, at just 20 years old, become responsible for raising your seven-year-old sister, too, It all felt heartbreaking and a bit overwhelming, but I have to say, although Fin’s love life has fallen to the wayside, he’s doing a fabulous job raising his sister, Olivia, who I absolutely adored. She was sweet and I loved that even at 8 years old, she and Fin were a great team.
Noah has grown up in a very conservative and homophobic family, leaving him to hide out in the closet, until his sister’s fiancé decides to push him out of the closet at his father’s birthday dinner. *asshole*
I loved the idea of this story, but for me, some things just didn’t work. I really liked Fin, but Noah, well, I wasn’t crazy about him. Something felt off, like he was very sexually repressed, and a 24 year-old virgin, yet he was kind of, well, actually very flirtatious and forward when it came to Fin, then he would suddenly back off and the forwardness just didn’t ring true for someone that was so repressed and shy about sex. I also just didn’t really like Noah and at the end his actions just caused me to really not like him and I kinda wanted to punch him in the face!
I liked the progression of their relationship and I loved their interactions with Fin’s sister, Olivia, who as I said was adorable and sweet. I liked them as a couple, but there were times I wanted to knock their heads together. The secrets were frustrating.
All in all, while I didn’t enjoy this story as much as I did book one, it was still enjoyable and I loved getting a glimpse at Jamie and Brett. Recommendable!
Why I Trust You
5 Stars
This book wasn’t always an easy read, the beginning especially, was very high angst and suspenseful. I kept having to close the book and take calming breaths, but the story was worth the anxiety.
I was intrigued by Martin when I met him in book two in the series, Why I Need You, he was an interesting character. A wealthy, funny, carefree playboy, who I desperately wanted to peel the layers from and get to know the real guy behind the persona, and that’s exactly what he did here. For as happy-go-lucky as Martin comes across as, deep down he is hurting and feels used, unable to trust that anyone wants him, for him and not just for what he has, plenty of money.
Ryan, oh, my heart broke for Ryan. His boyfriend, Zane is the monster nightmares are made of. Abusive, both mentally and physically, manipulative and yet, charming to others, so everyone thinks he’s this amazing and loving guy, while in truth, Ryan lives in constant fear. I hated Zane and my hope is that one day he’ll meet his match. I sat on the edge of my seat, my stomach in knots, waiting for the beating that I knew would come. While it was a relief when Ryan finally escaped from his clutches, I still waited for Zane to appear around every corner.
Together, Martin and Ryan were magnificent. I loved watching them open up to one another and build the trust they’d lost from past relationships. Both men grew tremendously throughout the progression of the story, especially Ryan. I loved watching him flourish and stand on his own. He stayed steadfast in his refusal to take anything from Martin. He needed to learn to stand on his own two feet and prove to himself that he wasn’t the failure all of the manipulation from Zane had convinced him he was, and that’s exactly what he did.
The progression of their relationship was slow, but it was realistic considering the nightmare Ryan had just escaped from. They had amazing chemistry and they fit together perfectly. Due to circumstances outside of their control, it wasn’t easy for them to stay together, so they had to fight hard for their happy ending, but I think that just made them stronger.
This was a well-written, emotionally-charged read, packed with angst and heartbreak, but also friendship, laughter, trust and love. I loved getting to revisit Fin, Noah and Olivia and I adored how they not only accepted Ryan, but became true friends with him. I’m loving this series and looking forward to more from this author in the future. Highly recommended!
*copy provided by author/publisher for my reading pleasure, a review was not a requirement*
About the Author
Colette’s personal love story began at university, where she met her future husband. An evening of flirting eventually led to a fairytale wedding. She lives in the north of England with her husband, two beautiful children, a crazy dog and a lazy cat.
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